On the edge of a knife
by Rose Everdeen
Summary: A broken heart, a split second, a thoughtless decision. When Bella is pushed too far, it only takes a moment of anguish for her to make a huge mistake. Will anyone find her before its too late or has Bella inadvertently killed herself? Set during New Moon
1. Bella

**Hmm...okay. I'm not sure what you guys will think of this, but I hope you like it.  
This fic was very spur of the moment. I can ony write the way I feel, and usually vent my emotions through writing, which may explain why this fic is like it is.  
I was kind of upset and annoyed and so decided to write this.  
its set...somewhere in New Moon.  
anyway, enjoy! And REVIEW people!**

I stumbled up the stairs, blind through the tears that were now streaming down my face. The sobs that broke from my chest were choked, and hysterical.

I felt like my heart had been ripped from me, leaving not just a scar but a burning, excruciating crater of emptiness, flaring at the seams. I was beyond repair.

I reached my room, and slammed the door behind me. I leant against it for a moment, and then slumped to the floor. My face fell to my hands as I sobbed; I curled my knees tight against me.

I couldn't go on like this. It wasn't pain that i felt, it was pure torture. Someone could drag a knife through my stomach and the pain couldn't compare to this – nothing could. I tried to breathe, but it was impossible. I couldn't even locate my lungs.

I clutched my knees to my chest rocking back and forth. My hair was matted to my face by tears. The moisture clung to my skin, burning like acid where it touched.

This wasn't me. This broken, empty shell crumpled on the ground was not Bella, not the girl i once was.  
I was unrecognisable, even to myself.

I didn't even know who I was - I had lost myself.

It like I had been abandoned in a vast empty pit, reaching out through the darkness. But there wasn't anything to reach for, and no matter how hard I tried to hold on, I just fell deeper and deeper into the dark. There were no arms to catch me anymore, and I knew that when I would finally hit the ground, I would break. I would smash into a million pieces.

How long till that happened?

I didn't know the answer. Had the cracks already appeared- was I only clinging on to the edge?

Or had I already smashed - was the pain I felt now - the pain that tormented me - my soul shattering?

I just wanted it to stop. How much could pain could someone take? There had to be a limit, a limit i had already reached. I was now just pushing through the boundaries.

This wasn't fair. I hadn't deserved this. I hadn't asked for any of this to happen. All I had ever done was love. How was it justifiable that I should give my heart – my everything – just to have it broken in return?

It wasn't.

Once I had believed in fate. I'd thought that some things in life happened because they were meant to be. But this was not fate – it didn't even exist. How could I have been destined for this?

Suddenly, my temper flared and I was so so angry - furious, at everything. At me, for having let myself fall in so deep, at this small town for enclosing me in and taunting me with memories, and more importantly, at him.

Though I tried to deny it, to lay the blame elsewhere, I knew this was all his fault.

He left me. He had let me fall apart. He had done this to me. There was no other cause for what had happened. Only him. There only _had_ ever been him.

And I hated him for it.

But that wasn't the worst part, because I knew, despite how hard I tried to conceal the truth from myself - that I loved him. I loved him with everything I had ever had. I had loved him right from the beginning and still did now.

And he made me believe he felt the same way.

He had lied to me.

I wanted to lash out at something, anything. I needed to release the emotions in my head before they over whelmed me. I could feel it - they were building up, getting louder and louder in my mind.

I reached out to my desk and grabbed the first thing that touched my hand. Without thinking, I lifted it to the air, and with all the strength I had, I threw it to the floor.

The ear-splitting smash that echoed around my room made me jump. I hadn't realised that I'd thrown something _breakable._

Suprised, I moved forward to see what I had smashed. Sharp shards of glass littered the floor around my feet. I moved past them to see the object on the floor.

It was a photo frame.

Staring at the wooden frame and the smashed glass, I froze.

A tear suddenly ripped through my chest. As i looked closer at the frame, I realised it was empty. there was nothing inside it.

An empty photo frame. It symbolized my life. There was nothing in it. There was nothing worth _remembering. _All the memories i once had – the beautiful perfect memories - had been destroyed by a single one. I had buried them deep beneath me.

Empty...

I fell to my knees. I thought tears would fall, but they didn't. There was no more pain. I couldn't feel anything. At all.

It was worse than the pain. At least then I'd felt something. But now, it had been replaced by ... nothing. Empty...just empty.

It was unbearable. Nothing could be worse than this.

I didn't think when I reached out. I wasn't aware it was in my hand. Not even when it touched my skin; there was no pain. I didn't realise what I'd done until the shard of glass sliced through my wrist, until the red blood began to show.

By then it was too late.

I could only watch in horror as the blood gushed from my vein. My whole body locked as i tried to understand what had happened.

My mind froze, I couldn't think, I couldn't do anything.

The blood stained my clothes, the floor, the bedding. Everything around me seemed to be dyed a deep red. There was so much blood.

My body reacted quicker than my mind. The room began to spin around me, I felt faint. I was going to collapse. Whether from the loss of or from the sight of the blood itself, I wasn't sure, but I knew that if I fell unconscious now, I would die.

No one would find me until it was too late. I was going to bleed to death. Why was there so much blood? How could so much come from only a small – but deep – cut?

I was scared, terrifyed. Despite what I might have thought, I didn't want to die. Even though I had nothing, I couldn't lose my life.

What had I done?

I fought to stay awake, though I could feel the unconsciousness creeping over me.

In a haze, I whirled around and desperately searched for my phone. I couldn't think straight and had no idea what I was doing.

Somehow, the phone found my hand, and as I pressed my other wrist against my stomach, I could feel blood soaking into my shirt. My breathing became shallow, my eyes began to close. I could feel the darkness washing over me.

With my last ounce of strength I hit the call button. I prayed he would pick up. My life rested on this phone call.

'Hello?' A voice on the other end answered. Relief flooded my body, but it didn't last for long.

My voice was desperate. 'Jacob? Please help me.' A sob broke from my throat. 'I've done something really stupid.'

Unable to fight the unconsciousness that fought against me, I collapsed on the bed and waited for the world to turn black.

I had lost.

My eyes closed. A shallow breath escaped through my lips.

Then, I was gone.

**What do you think? I know that there will be another chapter of this up – In Jacobs POV – soon. And then, i guess i haven't really decided where to take this fic – any suggestions?  
Thanks to BrittanyPerson for cheering me up and inspiring me :D Love ya hun.**

**REVIEW!!!**


	2. Jacob

**Hey Guys!!**

**Okay, first, I'm so sorry. I haven't updated for so, so long and I'm really annoyed about it. My computer still isn't fixed :( and believe me; I'm so annoyed about it. Also, I've had loads of work recently and I never seem to get a free moment, and I've had major writers block, so it's been pretty crap...**

**But yey! An update at long last. I'm so happy at the response to the first chapter – I can't believe how many of you alert/favourited this fic – thank you so much!!  
Anyway, its extra long to make up and it's in Jacob's POV – hope you like it ;)  
Inspiration for this chapter: 'Cry' – Kelly Clarkson **

**Oh, and hey to my sister Faith who just joined FF. She's actually got some pretty awesome stuff up already so please check it out! She's under Faith Everdeen (ultra original – like me) **

**Happy Xmas everyone!!!! Hope you all have a great time :D:D:D**

**Xx**

The sky was dark and dull. The heavy rain beat down, clinging to my bare skin. As I stared up through the trees, I grimaced – the weather mirrored my mood.

It had been an uneventful day. I had just finished patrol – still there had been no sign of the bloodsucker. It was so frustrating. Everytime we got close to catching her, she backed away, and then returned again. Knowing that it was _Bella _she wanted made me furious and even more determined to stop her. She wouldn't as much as _touch_ Bella. I would make sure of that.

I sighed in annoyance, and then stood up. I guessed I should get back to La Push; Sam would get irritated if I didn't return soon.  
I turned to walk away when my phone rang. I quickly grabbed it form my pocket, hoping it was one of the pack with news of the Vampire. I answered it without glancing at the caller ID.

'Hello?'

'Jacob?' I frowned in confusion. Bella? Why would she be ringing me now? Before I could reply, she spoke again.

'Please help me.' Panic swept through me as I heard her terrified voice.  
'Bella? What is it? What's happened?' I demanded urgently. Something had happened to her. My head began to spin. My arms began to shake violently.  
She began to cry. 'I've done something stupid' her broken voice whispered.

Then nothing.

'Bella?' I shouted down the phone. 'Bella, what's wrong?'  
There was no reply.

In a second I had tied my shorts around my leg and in one frantic stride, I phased.  
The forest rushed past as I ran as fast as I could to her house. I couldn't even let myself consider the possibilities... if Victoria had got to her...

Horror-struck, I ran faster.

I was at her house in a matter of minutes. I phased back and then ran into her house.  
'Bella.' I shouted out desperately. Then I shouted again. Still no reply.  
There was no vampire here, of that I was sure. But then what...?

Blood. I could smell blood.

My stomach twisted as I ran up the stairs to her room. The smell intensified nauseatingly. Every instinct I had told me I didn't want to open her door.

I did.

And the sight before me almost made me sick.

Bella was sprawled out on her bed. Her arm was hanging off the edge, her eyes were closed. Her skin – though usually pale – was now deathly white. I couldn't even hear her breathing.  
But against the pale background was a sickening splash of deep red, trailing along the floor, across the sheets and over her clothes. Blood. So much blood. It was everywhere. My stomach reeled – i felt sick.

I couldn't understand what i was seeing – none of this made sense, or felt real. I had to be dreaming. This was like a torturous nightmare. My worst nightmare.

Horror washed through me. No. Oh god no.

I ran to her, praying with all i had she was okay. She had to be.

I wanted to scream. Hell, i wanted to run away, but i couldn't. Damn, i needed help. Fast.

I paused for an excruciating moment, all the while my head shouting at me to move; but I had to listen for her heartbeat. I strained my hearing. I couldn't hear anything.

Unbelievable panic seared through me. No. No. No. I repeated over and over again. I lowered my head closer to her heart, my body shook with shock.

There, so low and uneven it seemed impossible, was the weak beat of her heart. It was so faint that I had no idea how it wasstill there, but i just was incomprehensively thankful that it was.

I pulled back quickly. I needed to find what had caused this. This was no vampire attack, of that i was sure. I would have known straight away; the smell for a start.

Only slightly calmed by her heart, I glanced over her body, desperate to find the source of the bleeding. I couldn't see any, just the blood.

Then I noticed her hand lay across her stomach, palm down. Her top was soaked in her blood.  
With a roll of nausea, I turned her hand over.

My whole body convulsed at the sight.

A deep, angry gash had been ripped through her wrist. The monstrous, horrific wound seemed to glare out, burning my eyes.

Even now there was blood seeping from the wound. _How could there be more blood_? How much could she have left in her? I realised i had to stop the bleeding – now. If she wasn't already, she would soon die from the loss of blood.

I quickly ripped the sheet below her and tied it tight around her wrist, mercifully masking the horror beneath.

It didn't make sense. None of this did. I knew it was screamingly obvious, but my subconscious couldn't – or wouldn't – work it out. I knew i didn't want to.

Yet the question burned at me. _What the _hell _had happened here?_

As if for an answer, my eyes tore away from Bella and onto the floor beside the bed.

Shards of glass littered the floor. I didn't even stop to consider why, I was so preoccupied by the glass. So sharp, the points were like knives...

Bella's terrified voice rang through my head again

_Jacob. Please help me. I've done something stupid._

I froze. My whole body locked - stunned.

No.

I shook my head, as if denying it would in any way change what i already knew, but i couldn't shy away from the truth.

She'd tried to kill herself.

I was unmoving for a moment, just staring at the girl before me. The girl i loved. Seeing her like this almost ripped through my own heart.

For god's sake, what was i _doing?  
_Here, Bella was bleeding to death and I was thinking about my _emotions?_

I grabbed Bella's phone- shuddering – and dialled 911.  
The dial tone was agonizingly slow, and it seemed like an age before someone picked up.  
'Emergency services. What do you require?' Spoke a woman's voice on the other end.

'I need an ambulance – now.' I replied. I sat on the edge of the bed, not taking my eyes from Bella.  
'What address?' She asked, and I quickly recited it to her. 'What's happened?' S  
I felt choked. I tried to clear my throat.

'It's... my friend. She's hurt – badly and lost a lot of blood. She needs help' I pressed urgently, my voice thick. I shouldn't be standing around talking while my best friend – and so much more – should be in the hospital.

'How is she injured?' The woman questioned, digging deeper.  
This was a question i really didn't want to answer. I took a deep breath.  
'Her wrist.' I answered reluctantly. 'I think she tried to...I mean I think she...cut herself.' Even without saying the word, my stomach twisted sickeningly.

'Okay then.' She replied, professionalism seeping into her words. 'Now, I need you to check her pulse...' Her voice became a babble of undistinguishable, meaningless words.

Anger suddenly flared inside me, my body started to shake. I tried to calm myself – I really couldn't phase now.  
'I'm sorry.' I interrupted my tone hard. 'But can we cut through the crap please? Yes, she's alive, but she won't be for much longer if you don't get an ambulance here _right now.'_

'Yes, of course. It's already on its way-'

That was all i needed to hear. I hit the end key.  
I leant over Bella, stroking her face with my hand – scared to even touch her. She had never looked for fragile. Tears began to fall from my eyes. I made no effort to wipe them away. This still hadn't hit me, but I knew that when it did, it would be unbearable.

But help was coming. I tried to focus on that – I felt so helpless, I had no idea what to do. There was nothing i could do to help her. The torment raged through me.  
'Why Bella?' I whispered. 'Why would you do this to yourself?'  
part of me knew exactly why, and i tried to push it out of my head. I needed to stay focused.

I looked at her face. She seemed so young – so vulnerable.  
I should have looked after her better.

Her breathing was still shallow, her heart still weak, but the flow of blood had finally stopped.  
In the distance, I could hear the wailing of the ambulance getting closer. I moved slightly, my tense position relaxing though only fractionally.  
'Hold on.' I murmured to her.

I had no idea whether I should move her or not. But i didn't know if that would do any damage, and I wasn't going to risk her.

I heard the sirens screeching down the street, and a few moments later urgent knocks on the door. I knew that I should go down but I stayed where I was. I couldn't leave her, not like this. I didn't want her to be alone.  
Voices shouted from downstairs.  
'Up here' I shouted back. I held on to Bella's hand and I didn't want to let go.

Suddenly the room was full of medics. Their presence seemed to crash through the oddly still atmosphere there had been before.  
They rushed over to the bed, various equipment and stretchers with them. One of them brushed passed me, trying to get to Bella. I forced myself to let go of her hand. The second I broke hold, the medic lightly pushed me out of the way while they attended to Bella.

Looking at them - here in Bella's room, blood everywhere - brought it all crashing down on me, the reality of it. Before it had seemed like a dream, a horrible, horrible dream, but with others here I realised how real this was.

I couldn't tear my eyes from the bed. I staggered back.  
I could hear the medics' voice, talking quickly to each other, using words that meant nothing to me. They washed over me – they didn't matter. Only Bella did.  
Bella, Bella, Bella.

They lifted her from the bed; she just seemed to flop. So...lifeless.

I cringed at the word.  
No. She was going to be okay. She _had _to be okay.

They began to take her downstairs on the stretcher. I wanted to scream at them – telling them to leave her here with me. Completely illogical, yet watching them take her – she looked so vulnerable - like she was about to shatter into a million pieces. I forced myself to hold my tongue, and mechanically followed them out.

Outside, in the daylight, the weak sun seemed to pierce through my eyes. Bella's room had been so dark

When we got to the ambulance, I jumped in next to her, ignoring the protests of the medics. I was vaguely aware of them connecting her to some kind of machine but paid little interest to what they were doing. I couldn't – wouldn't – take my eyes away from her.  
As I stared at her face my own twisted in pain. She had never looked more _fragile. _Not in the way she usually seemed, but as if one touch would shatter her. Her face was just... drained. I shook my head, as if trying to shake my thoughts away, though I knew I couldn't.

Instead I focused on her heartbeat. The recurring, though slightly uneven pulse of her heart was the only thing that really stopped me from screaming out. It rose above all other noise – the engine, the medics' voices, my own pulse throbbing, roaring in my ears.

The medic moved out the way and the ambulance began to go forward, urgently. The movement shook Bella fractionally and, almost as in reflex, I reached out and took her _undamaged _hand in mine. I held it tightly, not knowing if I'd be able to let it go when we got to the hospital.

The wailing siren made me jump and set off an alarm inside my own head. _Bella, Bella, Bella.  
_I tore my eyes away from her for a brief second, towards the medic. Would his expression tell me anything about her condition? I studied it for a moment, but it was too steady, too professional. His eyes met mine, and then flickered to my fingers interlocked with Bella's. I dared him to complain, but he merely turned back to the monitors.

Bella's faint heart stuttered and I glanced at her face urgently, my body freezing in the process. Her heartbeat resumed a steady beat but did little to reassure me. I wanted her in the hospital now. Safe. The ambulance journey seemed too

I was half tempted to kick out the back door and run her there myself, but I fought against the idea and gritted my teeth. We would get there in time. She would be fine.

I had to keep telling myself that.

The few minutes it took to get there seemed to last forever. Each second longer, more agonized than the last. I kept my eyes on her delicate face.

Eventually, after what seemed like an eternity of torture the ambulance pulled into Forks Hospital. I still didn't move or let her hand go.

Suddenly, everything seemed to move so fast. The ambulance ride had been so slow and now it was as if everything was in fast forward. The doors opened, light streamed in from outside. I could hear the voices of other medics and doctors, and the rattling of a hospital trolley.

I felt a tap on my shoulder, and I reluctantly looked up.

'Can you move out the ambulance please? We need to get her out now.' The medic ordered me, impatiently.

I nodded mechanically and then turned back to Bella. I forced myself to let go of her hand – more difficult than I thought it would be. Because without me holding her, she didn't feel _here – _there was nothing to reassure me she was okay. Not even the faint beat of her heart. I needed her to be safe – from the bloodsuckers, from me and now from herself. I should have protected her better.  
I hadn't even been able to do that right.

I felt my arms shaking, and I took deep breaths; I needed to calm down. I couldn't phase here, I reminded myself again.  
Unwillingly, I stood up and jumped out of the ambulance fighting the overwhelming urge to go back to her. I moved past the conglomeration of doctors that had now formed outside the ambulance.  
I watched as they lifted her out and onto the bed. As soon as she was secured, they began to hurriedly wheel her towards the hospital building.  
I followed close behind. There was no way I could let her get out of my sight.

As we entered the ER, I was pushed behind the medics who were talking anxiously to each other, running with the trolley towards white, double doors at the end of the corridor. I tried to keep up with them, but I felt a restraining hand on my arm, making me stop. I glanced at the nurse who had held me back.

'I'm sorry, you have to stay out here.' She told me.

I looked at her frantically. 'No... I need to go with her.' I argued, my voice unrecognisable with desperation and alarm.

The nurse said something back, but I couldn't hear her.

I could only watch as the medics took Bella further away. It took everything I had not to run after her.

Then, suddenly, they disappeared through the doors, and I was alone in the corridor.

I stood for a few minutes staring ahead of me, I couldn't feel anything.  
It was then I realised, I might not ever see her again.

Bella... my best friend, the one person who knew me better than anyone else, the girl I loved.

Now she was going to die.

**So what did you think? REVIEW!!! Please? :D  
oh, and if anyone has any suggestions as to where this fic should go (because, to be honest I have no idea) let me know.  
Thanks Brittany for giving me inspiration and making me laugh with your awesome e-mails.**

**OH! New Moon! I know it came out like a month ago but still! Didn't you just LO VE it?!?! So, so good!**

**Anyway, thanks for reading and have a great holiday guys :)**

**Rose xx **


	3. Bye :'

Hey.  
Just thought I'd post this note to let you all know something.  
I'm no longer going to be posting anything on this story, or on anything else. And I'm not going to be posting anything new either.  
I guess you could say I'm quitting.  
I love this site so much and it was fun while it lasted but I'm stopping now.  
This won't make sense to any of you really, because there are reasons why that only I know, so feel free to ignore this.  
I loved being in my own little world, but its when you let someone in that it all falls apart.  
Anyway, I'm rambling.  
So, thanks to everyone who reviewed, and PM-ed, and alerted. You are all such awesome people. :)  
I won't delete my account, but I guess this is goodbye.  
See you around :)  
Rose xx

Oh, and by the way, I'll never stop writing so in a few years time, watch out for Rose Everdeen's books. I promise you, I'll get there.  
Bye xx


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